First, I LOVE that Desert Rose is doing Dear Rosey posts, btw. I am a web content manager for a local agency, and I loved my job when I first started it. Now, I hate having to wake up in the morning to come to work. They literally expect me to work for almost free sometimes, like when they kept calling me on my day off, asking questions about the website. Or when they asked me to go to an event on the weekend, and submit content to completely redo a project I had already spent several hours on. It’s like they are always changing their mind about what they want from me. Then my boyfriend tells me to just quit, but I don’t really know what I would do if I didn’t work there. I’m really starting 0to get pissed off, by him making this seem like an easy fix, when it’s not really. It sucks, I’m not motivated to go out and look for a new job, so I’m just getting more and more angry with life in general, but especially at work. One of my coworkers made a comment to me the other day, and I lost it. My supervisor pulled me aside, and asked if I am okay. I was actually afraid she was going to fire me, so I just said “Yeah” but truth is, I am not. I’m worried about how angry I am getting, but I also don’t know what to do about changing my situation. Am I the only one experiencing this?
Dear Angry Birdie,
Thank you, we at Desert Rose are excited to do Dear Rosey posts! It is our experience that people are not always able to come into counseling and this enables are readers to be able to interact with our therapists when they are experiencing problems.
In regard to your dissatisfaction with your job, absolutely no, you are not the only one who experiences this! Many people go through times when they start to loose motivation about going to work. At first your job was new and exciting and it sounds like you really enjoyed it. As time has progressed your employer has expected more from you because they feel you are capable of doing the work. As a manager there also comes responsibilities and with the type of work you are doing it sounds like some of those responsibilities get in the way of your personal life. It is okay to set boundaries and if you have too much on your plate explain to your boss the importance of your projects and tasks and work on a plan to push these into priority or set time frames. It is very important to remember work-life balance and when it feels that the balance is not working take time to focus on it. Do something you enjoy or just take a few minutes out of your day to help relieve the stress you are feeling. Keep a gratitude journal that is work related and at the end of your day, write one thing down which could be big or small that you are grateful for at your work. If could be something small like a coworker smiled or something big like your boss really liked an idea of yours. Challenge yourself to come up with new thoughts for your journal and then once a week reflect back on it. The more you remain grateful the less you will let things affect you like your coworker who had made the comment. As for your boyfriend saying just quit, that is not always so easy, as you stated “I don’t really know what I would do if I didn’t work there.” See if these suggestions may help you and remember pause when you get agitated and take some deep breathes.
It is borderline dangerous to date online, these days! I’ve been catfished the last three dates I had, and one guy is now stalking me, even though I blocked him on social media and from calling my phone. He is texting me from another number, and calling ME crazy among other evil things. I’ve ended up having to pay for dates, when the guy forgot his wallet. Also, I’ve gotten pictures of body parts when I didn’t ask to see all of that; and harassed unless I send pictures of myself. I realize some girls are into that, and getting paid for pictures and videos but now its like entry level prostitution is the norm. I’m honestly just looking for the companionship of someone on my level, but instead I’m being traumatized by this whole experience of dangerously dysfunctional men, landing on my page. What should I do and where are the normal guys, in Las Vegas?
Dear Swipe Up,
I am sorry you have had so many bad experiences with dating online and I understand the dangers which can also be associated with it. My first concern is that you are safe, do any of these men know where you live or work? The guy that you stated who is currently stalking you, have you reported him to authorities? With that being said there are other avenues that you could explore besides online dating. Most relationships come through meeting significant others through social circles, work or other functions. Do you belong to any groups or are you involved in any activities where you can meet other men? I do want to say though that online dating continues to be popular and there have been many relationships and marriages which have been successful as a result of meeting online. While online dating certainly can help people find dates, as you have mentioned it does not always work out well either. If online dating is something that you would want to still consider there are some safeguards that you can do. Changing your profile is one way to help change the algorithm in which online dating sites use. When you do find someone who interests you, do a little background check on the information that they give you. Check their facebook profiles or other social media avenues. You can check court records or other sites which are all public record. Humans have a fundamental need for love and do not be discouraged there is someone out there for you. It may not happen as fast as you want it, but be selective and take your time. If there is anything else I can help you with please let me know!
I’m struggling because it’s like I can never get ahead. I make decent money for a single male in his late twenties but life happens and all of a sudden, I’m drowning again in quicksand. I took an extra shift at my job, so I can visit my hometown for my friend’s birthday. So that means I had no days off in 12 days, but it was important to me to get to the celebration, and actually be able to do something. Anyway, long story short, the day I was supposed to leave, my tire was flat and I ended up missing my flight to Cali. It was already expensive, so of course I decided not to get the travel insurance, and I had to pay $150.00 extra. So, I’m looking like water and appetizers only, and the cheapest drink at all the spots we went to- which is cool, but that $150.00 really set me back. Now, I’m struggling to come from behind and make rent this month, which was due a couple of days ago. Sometimes I feel like- why am I working so hard, just to struggle, when other people are doing it the dirty way, and living their best life?
Dear Empty Bag,
I understand how you feel about financial hardships and struggling. There have defiantly been times in my life where I have felt the same way too. It sounds like your job allows you to pick up extra shifts and that is positive. It gives you the opportunity to be able to make some extra money when you need it, like you mentioned about being able to attend your friend’s birthday out of town. The $150 that set you back is temporary and I realize that right now your big concern is about being able to pay your rent that you are behind on. Do you have anyone you can borrow from or is there another bill you could hold off on for now in order to pay it? There are different programs which are available to help with paying utilities if that might be something that is able to help you. Life does happen and when it happens it is good to have a plan. I would like to meet with you and work out a plan. Have you ever considered making a budget that allows you to start building a “rainy day fund” it can start with just saving a small amount each paycheck? Do not let what other people are doing get you down. While other people seem to be living their best life, it isn’t always as it may seem. Try not to be discouraged I am here to help you in any way that I can.
Dear Mr. Slip and Slide,
HOLD ON! More specifically, hold on to happiness, as it is a conscious choice and state of mind. We can focus on what is good and what brings us joy; essentially an “attitude of gratitude” or what it is we feel we are lacking. You reference that others are “successful and married, yet you acknowledge having a good job, house, and car.” Are you seeking a long-term relationship as you spend your time dating these women? Are you wanting to be married? And if so, are you the type of person that you would want to marry? Your sense of importance and self-worth cannot come from the determinations made by these women or anyone else. When you say, it is like you are not important to anyone, did you feel that way as a child growing up? Did you get the love you needed then and are you able to express love to others? Do you love and value yourself? My immediate advice, without having spent time getting to know you and understanding your background, is to say, “Find something in life that gives you a personal sense of meaning or fulfillment”. For many this can mean focusing on bringing joy to others or connecting with others. However, only you can bring meaning to your own existence. When is the last time you engaged in an activity that was exciting? What are you doing to show love to others and bring love to yourself? What activities brought you joy and excitement as a child? Get back to that and hold onto happiness. Sincerely, Rosey
Dear High Roller,
Although there is widespread debate regarding whether or not someone can become addicted to marijuana, there is research evidence that suggests that for many, marijuana can become addictive. In 2011, roughly 4.2 million Americans met the diagnostic criteria for dependence or abuse of marijuana. While dependence is the actual physical reliance that develops with regular use, addiction, on the other hand, is a chronic disease which affects the brain in the areas of reward, motivation, memory, and related brain circuitry. Addiction is characterized by intense and uncontrollable cravings and compulsive use of the drug despite any negative impact on the person’s life. Without treatment or engaging in activities of recovery, addiction tends to be progressive and can result in physical or mental disability or premature death. Certainly, a person can be dependent without exhibiting the full behavioral patterns associated with addiction. However, the real question for you is whether or not your marijuana use is problematic? Is your use negatively impacting your physical or emotional health, relationships, employment, finances, spirituality, legal situation, etc.? From what you write, it sounds as though it is at least impacting your immediate relationship with your sister and potentially your living situation. One suggestion would be for you to let down your defenses and simply ask your sister why she believes that you are addicted. Honest feedback is actually one of the greatest gifts of all and you may walk away with more insight than you had previously. If in your case, you find you are merely dealing with a difference in values, you may choose to live separately from your sister, so that your lifestyle does not interfere with hers or ultimately damage your relationship. Sincerely, Rosey
Dear Everybody’s Punching Bag,
You are so brave for speaking up about the bullying that is going on at your school. It is so important for your voice to be heard, because bullying is a huge problem that a lot of kids are having a hard time dealing with. Thank you for being a HERO for yourself and the other kids that are going through the same thing as you. You are as strong as any hero I know, because instead of listening to the negative message to hurt yourself, your message to me says that you are going to help yourself and take a stand to make things better for all kids who are reading this! Next thing we have to do is change your name! All HEROES get a new name, once they’ve done something as brave as you have. I’d like to address you as Dear ‘The Voice to Put a Stop to Bullying’.
I want you to know, I am so sorry that you are being bullied. I know it may be hard to see it this way- but it is NOT your fault, and you do NOT deserve to be treated this way. The truth is- Hurt people, hurt other people. It may not seem like it, but bullies are probably being bullied in other areas of their life and they feel like they have to fit in or appear better than they are. But, being hurt doesn’t give someone the right to hurt other people. Your secret power is that you don’t have to do what a bully tells you to do.
You my friend, DO have the right to protect yourself from being hurt. Some safe and healthy ways to protect yourself are; DON’T stop talking to safe adults, even when it seems like they don’t understand. Adults get bullied too, believe it or not; which means there IS a way for adults to understand, just sometimes we don’t know how to solve the problem, or talk to our kids the right way. But if you keep talking to us, it will help us to understand and to make a difference. Also, I suggest asking your school counselor about youth groups at your school or in the community, that come together to talk about ways to put a stop to bullying, and offer friendship and support to other kids who may need to talk. School counselors may also know about local non-profit organizations that sponsor kids to do positive social activities like Krav Maga; a self-defense program, that teaches kids to defend themselves against all different kinds of threats such as: adult as opposed to child, single attacker and multiple attackers, standing and ground defense, armed and unarmed assailants, child bullying, and verbal taunting. This approach ensures that all students of our program will have the ability to defend themselves in all situations. I hope this helps! Signed, Rosey.
Dear Just Me,
Congratulations on coming out to your mother and it going so well! It is so very sad that your experience of being unconditionally accepted is not the case for everyone. However, your partner needs to accept you unconditionally as well, which means “not bashing, or being hurtful, or hateful and celebrating your victories with you as well. I question why you allow yourself to be treated so unkindly. Why do you choose to maintain a relationship with someone who attacks you and makes you feel unsafe when, instead, you should be cherished? In fact, the definition of cherish is “to protect and care for lovingly; to adore and hold dear; to keep or cultivate with care and affection.” Do you not feel deserving of such love? Rather than running back into the closet, surround yourself with friends and loved ones who are positive, accepting, and supportive. The world is a better place with the real you in it! Sincerely, Rosey.